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Your support makes all the difference.<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nRead more<\/span><\/svg><\/span><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nR<\/span>ebecca Visser, a 36-year-old content creator and stay-at-home mom from California, permanently cut ties with her mother nearly three years ago, blocking her on social media and on her phone \u2014 and she has no plans to reverse the decision. It wasn\u2019t something she took lightly. \u201cAdult children don\u2019t go no contact out of the blue,\u201d Visser tells The Independent<\/em>. \u201cIt\u2019s something that\u2019s been building up, and once they\u2019d done it \u2014 nine times out of 10 \u2014 it\u2019s a last resort. If they\u2019re going no contact, maybe it\u2019s time to look at the parent and not necessarily the child.\u201d<\/p>\nIt\u2019s a dilemma that has made headlines recently due to the reported chasm that has opened up between 26-year-old Brooklyn Beckham and his famous parents, soccer icon David and former Spice Girl-turned-designer Victoria. Responding to reports last month that his parents had unfollowed their estranged son on Instagram, Brooklyn\u2019s 20-year-old brother, Cruz, claimed it was Brooklyn who had, in fact, blocked Posh and Becks. \u201cMy mum and dad would never unfollow their son\u2026 Let\u2019s get the facts right. They woke up blocked\u2026 as did I,\u201d he wrote. Days later, the Beckhams were celebrating Christmas with their children, Cruz, Romeo, 23, and Harper, 14 \u2014 while Brooklyn was in Miami with his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham, 31, and her billionaire parents, Claudia and Nelson Peltz.<\/p>\n
While the reasons behind Brooklyn\u2019s reported estrangement from his parents remain private, no two decisions to cut off contact with a family member are ever the same. For Visser, the turning point came in her twenties, when she says she tried to speak with her mother about alleged abuse she experienced as a child involving both her mother and her stepfather. According to Visser, her mother was unwilling to acknowledge the allegations.<\/p>\n
By 2023, Visser \u2014 now married with a three-year-old son \u2014 says she had accepted that her mother was never going to take accountability for the alleged abuse. She sent her one last email, telling her, \u201cI can\u2019t have contact with you until something changes. And I just know those changes aren\u2019t going to happen.\u201d Visser says the decisive moment came when the dynamic began to affect her own family. \u201cWhen I brought up things about adulthood and childhood, my mother would make me feel crazy and say none of this ever happened. Once, I started seeing her do this in front of my son and husband, I said, \u2018I\u2019m going to put a stop to this.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Brooklyn Beckham blocked his mother and father on Instagram last month, according to his brother Cruz (Getty)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nSince cutting off contact with her mom, Visser says her stress and anxiety levels have reduced significantly, making her a better mom. \u201cMy first year of being a mom, especially being postpartum, was so stressful because of the abuse my mother was putting me through. Now that I\u2019m without that, it gives me more ability to focus on my son,\u201d she says. \u201cAs the last two years have gone by, it\u2019s become more and more apparent that this was the best decision I could have made.\u201d<\/p>\n
Similarly, 31-year-old Annie Emerson says her mother struggled to take accountability for her actions. The Georgia-based hospice nurse says things reached a tipping point after she tried to confront her mother about her strict upbringing, which she says was shaped by the belief that children should be seen and not heard. According to Emerson, her mother simply accused her of misremembering her childhood.<\/p>\n
Although the pair had argued for more than a decade, Emerson says one incident was the straw that broke the camel\u2019s back: her mother placing Emerson\u2019s two-year-old daughter in the front seat of a car on her step-grandfather\u2019s lap. \u201cMy husband and I learned that she did not have a car seat with her,\u201d the mother of two says. \u201cShe intentionally kept it from us until after she\u2019d driven our daughter. When we said, \u2018Hey, we\u2019re not OK with this,\u2019 she essentially said, \u2018Well, you guys are being ridiculous and making a mountain out of a mole hill. This isn\u2019t a big deal.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Rebecca Visser has had no contact with her mother since 2023 (Courtesy of Rebecca Visser)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nEmerson says she had no choice but to end her relationship with her mother, who wasn\u2019t taking accountability for her actions. Just four months on, she says the decision has changed her life for the better. \u201c\u200aI have so much peace now. I have a great support system, from my husband, close friends, and my in-laws,\u201d she says. \u201c\u200aI’m very grateful to feel like I\u2019m allowed to be who I am. There was a lot of shrinking of myself I did around my mother for a very long time, in an effort to try to keep a relationship with her.\u201d<\/p>\n
For many of us who have strong relationships with our parents, the decision to cut ties with them seems unfathomable. Ariel Rae \u2014 a 29-year-old marketing agency co-founder from New Jersey \u2014 made that choice a year ago, and hasn\u2019t spoken to her mother since. However, she says she\u2019s already grown accustomed to acquaintances describing the estrangement as \u201csad.\u201d \u201cIf you don\u2019t accept it or get it, that\u2019s OK,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019m grateful that you\u2019ve never experienced this level of pain. But I know this was the right decision I had to make for myself to heal, to be functioning in society and in my relationships, and to grow as an adult.\u201d<\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Annie Emerson says she has \u2018so much peace\u2019 since blocking her mother (Courtesy of Annie Emerson)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nRae says her relationship with her mother was fraught throughout her childhood, marked by frequent conflict and comments that steadily eroded her self-esteem. Her mother struggled with alcoholism and displayed narcissistic behavior, often denying or failing to recall the hurtful things she had said. Instead, Rae says, her mother would turn the blame back on her, calling her a \u201cbad daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n
She realized that no matter how much she begged her mother for an apology, she would never get one. That brought a harsh clarity: the relationship was no longer worth having. Rae sent a final goodbye text and then blocked her mother\u2019s number. The changes since ending the relationship, she says, have been profound. \u201cI\u2019m feeling happy and showing up as my best self with my friends and family and boyfriend,\u201d she explains. \u201cI used to just like throw my emotions out there and like kind of expect the other person to regulate them, and that is no way to be an adult. If I get emotional, I now have self-talk that I can start saying out loud to myself, and it calms me down. Without my mother, my negative self-talk stopped because she\u2019s where it sources from.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nothing can erase the sense of loss that comes with breaking off contact with a parent. On difficult days, Emerson allows herself to sit with that sadness. \u201cI also remind myself that the motherly love that I\u2019m missing is not actually love that my mother ever gave me, or was capable of giving. I think it\u2019s just that deep-seated desire of a child wanting to be loved by their parent.\u201d<\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Ariel Rae\u2019s relationship with her mother was fraught throughout her childhood. \u2018Without my mother, my negative self-talk stopped because she\u2019s where it sources from\u2019 (Courtesy of Ariel Rae)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nToday, neither Rae, nor Emerson, nor Visser regrets keeping their mothers out of their lives. They\u2019re moving on from the resentment and disappointment they felt, which once felt impossible to manage. \u201cI weirdly see some women sometimes that look like her, and it makes me feel pity or sad. Like, \u2018Oh, like maybe she\u2019s doing better,\u201d Rae says. \u201c\u200aI think I\u2019ve gotten to a point where I\u2019ve done so much work on myself, and I\u2019m so grateful for that, that it has allowed me to not hold as much anger towards her. I\u2019ve healed a lot of my internal turmoil.\u201d<\/p>\n
Visser sympathizes with Brooklyn, \u201cYour parents could have all the money in the world, but if they treat you poorly, you don\u2019t have to stay in contact with them.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging. At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story. The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it. Your support makes all the difference. Read more Rebecca Visser, a 36-year-old content creator and stay-at-home mom from California, permanently cut ties with her mother nearly three years ago, blocking her on social media and on her phone \u2014 and she has no plans to reverse the decision. It wasn\u2019t something she took lightly. \u201cAdult children don\u2019t go no contact out of the blue,\u201d Visser tells The Independent. \u201cIt\u2019s something that\u2019s been building up, and once they\u2019d done it \u2014 nine times out of 10 \u2014 it\u2019s a last resort. If they\u2019re going no contact, maybe it\u2019s time to look at the parent and not necessarily the child.\u201d It\u2019s a dilemma that has made headlines recently due to the reported chasm that has opened up between 26-year-old Brooklyn Beckham and his famous parents, soccer icon David and former Spice Girl-turned-designer Victoria. Responding to reports last month that his parents had unfollowed their estranged son on Instagram, Brooklyn\u2019s 20-year-old brother, Cruz, claimed it was Brooklyn who had, in fact, blocked Posh and Becks. \u201cMy mum and dad would never unfollow th…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10567,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10632"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10632"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10632\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10567"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}