\n
From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.<\/p>\n
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.<\/p>\n
The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.<\/p>\n
Your support makes all the difference.<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nRead more<\/span><\/svg><\/span><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\u201cI\u2019ve got a lot of mum friends who say, \u2018I want to get divorced so we can live like you\u2026\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Lauretta Gavin is talking about her living situation, which, in the UK at least, is considered fairly unique. She\u2019s a single mum residing with her 16-year-old daughter, Florence \u2013 so far, so standard \u2013 but the pair share their home with Lauretta\u2019s sister, Sharon, and her 13-year-old son, Carter. The sisters have been cohabiting, and co-parenting, for the past 12 years.<\/p>\n
The arrangement was initially a product of circumstance. Sharon was a new mum who was going through a divorce while struggling with an autoimmune disease.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was really poorly \u2013 I couldn\u2019t cope on my own,\u201d recalls Sharon. The move was out of necessity, adds Lauretta: \u201cShe needed somewhere to live, she was very unwell and <\/em>she had a small baby; she moved in with me so that I could help her and look after her.\u201d<\/p>\nHowever, as Sharon\u2019s health improved and they found their feet, settling into life as a quartet, they realised there were numerous benefits to this unconventional arrangement. Financially, it\u2019s been hugely advantageous, while the cousins have gone from being only children to developing a strong sibling dynamic. There\u2019s another adult to consult, too, whenever one sister is unsure of a parenting decision they\u2019ve made.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt got better and better and better, and then, before we knew it, we were like, \u2018Oh my God, this is so good!\u2019,\u201d says Sharon. \u201cWe have such a lovely home, and the kids are so much fun. It became this really lovely family unit.\u201d They may not have planned it, \u201cbut as a Plan B, it\u2019s bloody good,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n
Perhaps best of all, the sisters are aligned on their parenting styles and have a \u201clow-conflict home\u201d as a result. \u201cWith a husband and wife, there are agendas; there\u2019s things going on between them,\u201d says Sharon. \u201cThat doesn\u2019t happen in a sister relationship. There are no games. It\u2019s very, very simple and straightforward.\u201d <\/p>\n
\n
\n<\/p>\n
open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Lauretta and Sharon have been living together with their children for the past 12 years (Rii Schroer)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nThe setup makes more sense for the Gavins than it does for most; they\u2019ve always been incredibly close, feeling more like twins than regular siblings. The pair even work together, running a wellness brand that incorporates retreats, mushroom coffee and a podcast. <\/p>\n
But they\u2019re not the only ones choosing to raise children outside of the standard nuclear family model. Though the idea can feel counter-cultural in Britain, an increasing number of single mothers in China are teaming up to cut costs and offer each other support. Social media posts from women looking for like-minded parents are on the up at the same time as divorce rates are soaring, the latter more than tripling from 0.96 divorces for every 1,000 people in 2000 to 3.10 in 2020. Between 2022 and 2023 alone, divorces jumped by 25 per cent.<\/p>\n
There are an estimated 30 million single mothers in China, and they get custody of the children in around 80 per cent of family breakdowns. Experts have observed a noticeable rise in women seeking out alternative support networks and living arrangements as a result, reports The Guardian<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n
\nThere are no games. It\u2019s very, very simple and straightforward<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n
Sharon Gavin<\/p>\n<\/figure>\n
For example, one post on social media platform Rednote reads: \u201cI\u2019m hoping to find another single mom to share an apartment with, so we can take care of each other. If our children are around the same age, that would be even better \u2013 they can be companions. Those raising kids alone know how tough it is; sometimes you\u2019re so busy you barely have time to eat.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jiang Mengyue, 31, now lives with her three-year-old daughter alongside another single mum and daughter pairing after answering an ad on social media. Mengyue commends the arrangement for similar reasons to those cited by the Gavin sisters: \u201cThis kind of relationship feels purer and simpler than marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n
Elsewhere, tools have sprung up to forge connections and help parents create this new type of blended family. In the US, for example, CoAbode is a housesharing service that matches single mothers who want to combine households. It offers a simple solution to a growing problem: single-earner households with children have more than doubled in the States, while housing costs have increased by more than 1,000 per cent since 1970. <\/p>\n
The benefits are wide-ranging, enabling women to share costs between two disposable incomes and offer day-to-day support with child-rearing. There are numerous success stories: Heather and Carrie in Florida met and moved in together with their kids after reading about the CoAbode concept in a magazine. \u201cIt\u2019s a match made in heaven for us,\u201d says Heather. \u201cOur kids get along great. Emotionally, it\u2019s been great to have someone that\u2019s going through the same experience that you are\u2026 My new roommate and I sit up at night after the kids fall asleep and laugh and joke about some of the trials and tribulations we go through, and don\u2019t feel so alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n
\n<\/p>\n
open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>There are two million single-parent families in the UK, 89 per cent of which are headed up by single mothers (Getty\/iStock)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nMeanwhile, Shawn in Washington DC highlights the value of having another child in the house alongside her own after moving in with Darcie, saying: \u201cBecause our sons are both only children, it\u2019s been good for them to have brotherly attention and learn that they are not the centre of the universe.\u201d And then there\u2019s the co-parenting help: \u201cRecently, Darcie picked up my son from school, fed and bathed him and put him to bed. And we trade off like that constantly, which makes life less stressful for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n
This \u201cit takes a village\u201d mentality is something that\u2019s been emulated in a more casual capacity by Brooke Maddison, a writer and editor who now lives in Brisbane. Her son was born in London before she and her ex moved to Australia, where Brooke hails from originally. By the time their child was six, the couple had separated. \u201cI had some old friends, but I initially didn\u2019t have a lot of community around me,\u201d she says. \u201cThen I found it happened really organically when my son started school.\u201d<\/p>\n
There were a lot of other parents around who were either doing it solo or who were queer or part of non-traditional family structures. They tended to gravitate towards each other. \u201cWe built up this informal community before we realised what we were doing,\u201d explains Brooke. \u201cAnd it was like, OK, what can we do intentionally to perhaps welcome other people in and go out of our way to support each other?\u201d<\/p>\n
On a day-to-day level, support can be ad hoc \u2013 perhaps someone needs to work late and asks a fellow parent to do school pick-up and provide dinner \u2013 or scheduled in. Brooke has previously hosted an open invitation weekly dinner for parents and kids: \u201cIt\u2019s with that intention of being community,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019ll cook up a massive batch of something, and then even be sending people home with tupperware containers of extra food so they\u2019ve got an easy dinner for the next night.\u201d<\/p>\n\n
\nWe built up this informal community before we realised what we were doing<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n
Brooke Maddison<\/p>\n<\/figure>\n
On the flipside, Brooke doesn\u2019t drive; now, she has a strong network of fellow parents who can take her grocery shopping or give her a lift in an emergency. <\/p>\n
This quid pro quo arrangement has even evolved into taking annual group holidays together. Not only does it mean there are other adults to have a drink with and chat to once the kids have gone to bed of an evening, but sharing transport and accommodation also reduces the price significantly.<\/p>\n
Brooke recommends proactively building a community of like-minded parents for anybody, but particularly those who are raising children alone. \u201cSometimes it\u2019s just having someone to talk to \u2013 if you need to call someone in the middle of the night, or if you\u2019ve had a really tough day with the kids and need to vent,\u201d she says. \u201cSometimes a friend will ring me up for a chat, and we\u2019ll just talk about some of the difficulties that we\u2019re facing and really support each other emotionally.\u201d<\/p>\n
We also need to expand our idea of what a family \u201cshould\u201d look like in 2026, she argues, and not get stuck in perpetually heteronormative narratives that insist parents must be comprised of a mother and father in a romantic relationship.<\/p>\n
\u201cBroadly in society, that is still the expectation of how people live; we don\u2019t see alternatives modelled that much,\u201d she says. \u201cBut I think things are changing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n
\n<\/p>\n
open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Brooke (right) with her friend, Jeni, and son, Malachi (Brooke Maddison)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nBrooke is right: things are starting to change. Several fertility networks have sprung up for people who want to have a baby and are seeking \u201cplatonic co-parents\u201d to partner up with. There\u2019s Pollen Tree, CoParents.co.uk and The CoParenting Agency, for example, all of which match prospective co-parents with one another. Modamily, meanwhile, is an online community that also enables people keen to \u201cdate with purpose\u201d \u2013 those whose express intention is to start a family \u2013 to find one another.<\/p>\n
Perhaps we need to broaden our understanding of what a family looks like in the modern world. Statistically, the nuclear family is becoming increasingly outdated; around one in four families with dependent children in the UK (totalling two million) are headed up by a single parent, according to data from single-parent charity Gingerbread. Some 89 per cent of these are single-mother families.<\/p>\n
And, in Lauretta\u2019s opinion, we\u2019ve long put far too much emphasis on romantic love when it comes to child-rearing. \u201cThere\u2019s so much focus on, \u2018you need to find the one\u2019. That comes from the messages that we\u2019re fed by movies, by films, by books,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s not enough attention on the love of a friendship, particularly female friendship. That love is often dismissed or undervalued \u2013 but it\u2019s just as powerful.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging. At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story. The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it. Your support makes all the difference. Read more \u201cI\u2019ve got a lot of mum friends who say, \u2018I want to get divorced so we can live like you\u2026\u2019\u201d Lauretta Gavin is talking about her living situation, which, in the UK at least, is considered fairly unique. She\u2019s a single mum residing with her 16-year-old daughter, Florence \u2013 so far, so standard \u2013 but the pair share their home with Lauretta\u2019s sister, Sharon, and her 13-year-old son, Carter. The sisters have been cohabiting, and co-parenting, for the past 12 years. The arrangement was initially a product of circumstance. Sharon was a new mum who was going through a divorce while struggling with an autoimmune disease. \u201cI was really poorly \u2013 I couldn\u2019t cope on my own,\u201d recalls Sharon. The move was out of necessity, adds Lauretta: \u201cShe needed somewhere to live, she was very unwell and she had a small baby; she moved in with me so that I could help her and look after her.\u201d However, as Sharon\u2019s health improved and they found their feet, settling into life as a quartet, they realised there were numerous benefits to this unconvent…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12992,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12991"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12991"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12991\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}