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Your support makes all the difference.<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nRead more<\/span><\/svg><\/span><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nO<\/span>n 25 February 1996, America\u2019s chosen prince, JFK Jr, and his girlfriend Carolyn Bessette, left the house with their dog Friday (so named because it was the only day their pet was allowed into John\u2019s office) \u2013 and had the mother of all rows. <\/p>\nThe couple, who were routinely hounded by paparazzi, screamed at each other in New York\u2019s Battery Park as cameras clicked. John appeared to rip an engagement ring off Carolyn\u2019s finger mid-argument before she chased him down and grabbed him by the shoulders as he tried to storm away. <\/p>\n
This fiery scene, recreated in Ryan Murphy\u2019s hit FX series Love Story <\/em>\u2013 and played out with such convincing emotion by Paul Kelly and Sarah Pidgeon that modern-day New Yorkers reported the incident on the safety alert app Citizen \u2013 is one of the most infamous public rows of all time. <\/p>\nWatching the action play out in the fifth episode of the FX adaptation based on the couple\u2019s lives \u2013 and enhanced with artistic licence \u2013 I was shocked; not by the violence with which Carolyn and John screamed in each other\u2019s faces, but because I\u2019d had a similar open-air row days earlier. <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>\u2018Love Story\u2019 recreates Carolyn Besette and JFK Jr\u2019s impassioned fight in Battery Park (FX)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nOn the day of our one-year anniversary (unfortunate timing), my boyfriend and I fell into an argument about everything that was irking us while on a walk along the Thames path from Hammersmith to Putney. What was meant to be a fun celebration quickly turned into 20,000 steps of emotional gesticulating, frustrated groaning, and other theatrics that provoked side-eyes from innocent dog walkers caught in the crossfire. <\/p>\n
When we finally collapsed, exasperated and exhausted, on a bench looking out over the river to Fulham FC\u2019s Craven Cottage, the surprise and shame had already begun to set in. Why hadn\u2019t we had words inside the house? <\/p>\n
Fighting in public, particularly in the emotionally repressed UK, is deemed deeply uncouth. Our personal lives are expected to stay shut up behind closed doors. As such, the openly aired arguments that are most easily called to mind are almost always the ugliest: Made in Chelsea<\/em>\u2019s lothario, Spencer Matthews, brazenly telling his then-girlfriend Louise Thompson \u201cIt\u2019s hard to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you,\u201d by the Millennium Bridge in 2013, is forever burned into my brain. <\/p>\n\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Louise Thompson and Spencer Matthews in severe talks on \u2018Made in Chelsea\u2019 (Channel 4)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nBut there are surprising upsides of argument walks when conducted in markedly less lecherous ways. In fact, studies have found that walking puts you in a creative mindset, which opens you up to new ideas from your partner that could lead to a smart resolution between you both. <\/p>\n
You\u2019re also more likely to come up with new ideas to solve whatever issue you\u2019re facing as a pair. \u201cGetting your body moving helps to get your brain moving,\u201d says Columbia University psychologist Maya Rossignac-Milon. \u201cYou make connections that you wouldn\u2019t necessarily if you were still.\u201d <\/p>\n
Interestingly, walking can even help couples find common ground simply through our human inclination to fall into step and march along at the same pace. \u201cIt\u2019s called step synchrony,\u201d says Rossignac-Milon. \u201cYou\u2019re sharing a rhythm together, and that\u2019s incredibly powerful.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt puts people in this state where they feel closer to each other, they\u2019re more motivated to connect, and they see each other as part of the same being that\u2019s moving together, so you feel that sense of oneness with the other person. It\u2019s also been shown to increase cooperation.\u201d <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Sebastian and Mia discussing their future on the move in \u2018La La Land\u2019 (Lionsgate)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nWalking also encourages \u201csideways listening\u201d. The practice, which has been around in therapeutic contexts for years, denotes when you speak with someone at an angle, rather than head-on, which can encourage them to relax and share more. <\/p>\n
\u201cWe typically talk about conflict when we\u2019re face-to-face,\u201d says Rossignac-Milon. \u201cWhen you\u2019re walking, you naturally assume what\u2019s called a cooperative stance: You\u2019re side by side, together, looking at the world. That literal shared perspective helps you to think the same.\u201d <\/p>\n
Conflict resolution coach Davina Clements points out that arguments on the move are especially helpful to resolve recurring fights. \u201cWhen you fall into predictable disagreements that are over the same thing, criticism and defensiveness come in, and emotions can escalate,\u201d she explains. <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>\u2018What do you want?\u2019: Noah and Allie arguing in \u2018The Notebook\u2019 (Newline Cinema)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\u201cWhereas, if you\u2019re out walking, that changed environment can change your behaviours… People tend to have their conversations in the house, or maybe in the car, but it\u2019s really needed for them to think outside of those options and think \u2018where else could be good for this conversation?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n
Although most of us start a fight whenever the mood takes us, both Clements and Rossignac-Milon encourage couples to think of tackling a difficult topic outdoors in advance, rather than just storming out the door. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t do this when emotions are raised, or when you\u2019re already in the middle of an argument,\u201d says Clements. \u201cThat\u2019s not a great time to continue the conversation… If someone\u2019s feeling silenced or publicly shamed, you need to realise it\u2019s not working and stop.\u201d <\/p>\n
Rossignac-Milon recommends picking a walking route that\u2019s not too crowded so both parties feel comfortable sharing. Additionally, she notes the importance of picking a familiar area so you aren\u2019t faced with endless route choices that could leave you lost and angry. <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>Celine and Jesse spend hours walking around Vienna in \u2018Before Sunrise\u2019 (Castle Rock Entertainment)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\u201cWhat you don\u2019t want is to get distracted by a bunch of micro-decisions that could take you away from the conversation and become a different conflict,\u201d she says. \u201cDon\u2019t add a layer of confusion or complexity.\u201d <\/p>\n
If things do start to get heated, Clements recommends couples momentarily hit pause and embrace silence. \u201cWhen we\u2019re walking, we don\u2019t feel the need to fill those conversational voids because the surroundings take our attention,\u201d she says. \u201cWalking in silence for a little while can be really grounding and make people feel safer in a conversation. So, if emotions are getting raised in any way, a bit of silence can help regulate them.\u201d <\/p>\n
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open image in gallery<\/span><\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>JFK Jr (Paul Anthony Kelly) and Carolyn (Sarah Pidgeon) after getting engaged on \u2018Love Story\u2019 (FX)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nAlthough me and my boyfriend didn\u2019t do the argument walk perfectly the first time around, I\u2019d still give it another go. Because, even with our melodramatics, we came to a proactive solution to a niggling problem we\u2019d let lurk in the shadows unaddressed for months. Then we hugged. <\/p>\n
Notably, after Carolyn and John\u2019s Battery Park bust-up, he told The Howard Stern Show <\/em>it was just \u201csome silly argument\u201d to be expected of a couple who\u2019d been dating \u201ca long time\u201d. They were married in a private ceremony on Georgia\u2019s Cumberland Island seven months later. <\/p>\n\u201cThere\u2019s so much movement in the inherent language we use when we talk about conflict,\u201d says Rossignac-Milon. \u201cWe need to \u2018get over\u2019, \u2018move on,\u2019 \u2018put behind us,\u2019 or \u2018we\u2019re at a standstill\u2019 and \u2018going nowhere\u2019 without \u2018meeting halfway\u2019 to \u2018find common ground\u2019,\u201d she points out. <\/p>\n
\u201cThat language is so embedded in how we talk \u2013 but we\u2019re not acting it out. There\u2019s a big reason why we talk about conflict this way.\u201d <\/p>\n
So, next time you\u2019ve got a bone to pick \u2013 perhaps, lace up your trainers. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging. At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story. The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it. Your support makes all the difference. Read more On 25 February 1996, America\u2019s chosen prince, JFK Jr, and his girlfriend Carolyn Bessette, left the house with their dog Friday (so named because it was the only day their pet was allowed into John\u2019s office) \u2013 and had the mother of all rows. The couple, who were routinely hounded by paparazzi, screamed at each other in New York\u2019s Battery Park as cameras clicked. John appeared to rip an engagement ring off Carolyn\u2019s finger mid-argument before she chased him down and grabbed him by the shoulders as he tried to storm away. This fiery scene, recreated in Ryan Murphy\u2019s hit FX series Love Story \u2013 and played out with such convincing emotion by Paul Kelly and Sarah Pidgeon that modern-day New Yorkers reported the incident on the safety alert app Citizen \u2013 is one of the most infamous public rows of all time. Watching the action play out in the fifth episode of the FX adaptation based on the couple\u2019s lives \u2013 and enhanced with artistic licence \u2013 I was shocked; not by the violence with which Carolyn and John screamed in each oth…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13317,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13316"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13316"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13316\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13317"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}