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From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.<\/p>\n
At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.<\/p>\n
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Your support makes all the difference.<\/strong><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nRead more<\/span><\/svg><\/span><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nI<\/span>n one of my first jobs in journalism, a senior editor made me serve legal papers to a rival publication. When I queried to a colleague whether this fell into the realms of my responsibilities, the reply was eye-widening: \u201cAt least he didn\u2019t ask you to take a birthday present to his mistress like the last reporter.\u201d Months later, the same man threw a stack of newspapers at my co-worker\u2019s head after she dared to ask a question. <\/p>\nMost people have a tale of a horrible boss \u2013 some worse than others. If they\u2019re a true monster, the answer is (usually) simple: leave. But most megalomaniacs have more nuance than that; glimmers of brilliance, inspiring creativity, industry clout, or innovative ideas that can collectively make working under them \u2013 as Emily explains to Andy of her role as Miranda Priestly\u2019s receptionist in The Devil Wears Prada<\/em> \u2013 a job that \u201ca million girls would kill for\u201d, despite the trials and torment. <\/p>\nFiction is packed with these toxic but talented leaders: Jon Hamm\u2019s Don Draper is dubbed an advertising genius throughout seven seasons of Mad Men<\/em>. But his brilliance allows him to miss meetings, drink on the job and provide minimal career progression for his junior staff with no repercussions until the season six finale. Even then, he bounces back. <\/p>\nThis week, cutthroat comedian Deborah Vance returns to our screens to terrorise and inspire her head writer, Ava Daniels, in the fifth and final season of Hacks<\/em>. Deborah is narcissistic, abusive and manipulative to her team. She\u2019s also, as a comedy legend, supremely funny, admirably driven and maddeningly charismatic. As such, Ava sticks around. <\/p>\nStudies have shown that this Hollywood trope translates to real life, too. Research has found that employees are less likely to label a supervisor as abusive \u2013 and may reinterpret harmful behaviour as \u201ctough love\u201d \u2013 when the leader is a high-performer. This reframes toxic traits as acceptable and allows the stars that blind us to go unchecked for longer. <\/p>\n
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Like glue: Workers may find it difficult to walk away from their talented but toxic bosses (Sky)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\u201dThey\u2019ll walk on people to make sure they get to stay where they are and control all the conversations,\u201d says career coach Maureen Adams of this style of supervisor. \u201cThey tend to be quite disruptive and a little bit sneaky. The impact day to day is that the person who\u2019s under them thinks they\u2019re going to show them the ropes and they\u2019ll be able to learn fast,\u201d she adds. \u201cBut the reality is that they\u2019ll often get closed out of the decision-making meetings and only be allowed to do minor tasks.\u201d <\/p>\n
If you do one day manage to fight tooth and nail for a more senior position, the struggles don\u2019t stop there. \u201cOnce they\u2019re established, they\u2019ll find that they\u2019ll be demotivated quickly because when they do something well, it won\u2019t get noticed or it\u2019ll be taken away for a different project\u201d, says Adams. \u201cSo, it\u2019s hard to feel valued, appreciated or understood.\u201d <\/p>\n
If you\u2019re wondering at this point whether this might be your boss, Adams says there are a few telltale signs: \u201cOften you can\u2019t predict what\u2019s coming next in your job because you\u2019ll be doing one task and then a toxic manager will suddenly throw something quickly at you,\u201d she says. \u201cTypical phrases are \u2018don\u2019t come to me with problems, come to me with solutions\u2019 or \u2018I don\u2019t care how you do it, just do it.\u2019 When it goes wrong, they\u2019ll be accused of behaving like a bull in a china shop. So, it\u2019s gaslighting.\u201d <\/p>\n
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Lucky? Andy and Miranda Priestly in \u2018The Devil Wears Prada\u2019 (DreamWorks)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nThis leaves you unable to finish anything, unable to ever truly log off and unable to ever get visibility in the boardroom. Essentially, you\u2019re a backing singer, smiling and clicking, behind the lead artist. \u201cThey\u2019re always just the supporting act for the toxic boss,\u201d says Adams. \u201cThat\u2019s how I would describe them … These toxic relationships can last for years.\u201d <\/p>\n
Adams says this phenomenon is similar to the so-called \u201cgolden handcuffs\u201d of a high-paying position. \u201cIf they\u2019re in a prestigious company or in a role that, to the outside world, looks wonderful to everyone else, then leaving can feel like giving up,\u201d she says. \u201cBut sometimes it\u2019s important to recognise that you\u2019ve done the best you can in that position.\u201d <\/p>\n
It can be hard to know when to call it quits, particularly if your boss is a superstar. One minute, Deborah is hurling abuse at Ava, the next, they\u2019ve landed a string of high-profile gigs in Las Vegas. Much like a toxic romance, the breadcrumbs of praise can keep you going back for more. <\/p>\n
\u201cExtreme highs and lows are not especially healthy,\u201d says career change and job search coach Hannah Salton. \u201cThere can be natural ups and downs, but if the lows are impacting your productivity, wellbeing or mental health, for me, that\u2019s when alarm bells should start ringing, and you need to start thinking about what other options might be out there.\u201d <\/p>\n
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Dysfunctional: Peggy Olson, played by Elisabeth Moss, and Jon Hamm\u2019s Don Draper in \u2018Mad Men\u2019 (Lionsgate\/AMC)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nWhen you do build up the resolve to finally start considering an exit strategy, Adams says it\u2019s important not to make it obvious in any way. \u201cFor the majority of people, it\u2019s better to find another job first,\u201d she says. \u201cBut you need to avoid emotional leakage. Lots of people decide they\u2019ll look for another job and immediately give up at work. Colleagues pick up quickly that you\u2019ve lost enthusiasm, and word gets around. So, best to keep quiet.\u201d <\/p>\n
One way to do this is to set yourself private goals to achieve before you walk out the door. \u201cI tell people to put a timeline on things,\u201d says Adams. \u201cYou decide that by a certain date you\u2019ll have achieved particular goals for your CV, so that you know you\u2019ve got something out of the role, and can end the arrangement on a good basis.\u201d<\/p>\n
But, even if you leave, without theatrics, knowing you\u2019ve done well, realising your dream job is not so great after all can be a harrowing process, admit both experts. \u201cIt\u2019s quite hard to come to terms with,\u201d says Salton. \u201cThere is a kind of grief involved in realising that it wasn\u2019t right.\u201d <\/p>\n
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Hannah leaves her magazine job in \u2018Girls\u2019 after she dubs it a \u2018sweat shop for words\u2019 (HBO)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nAdams says this grief can be healed by focusing on the interesting projects you worked on to offset the resentment. And you need to do it fast, otherwise interviewers will be able to tell from your body language that you\u2019re harbouring disgruntlement. \u201cThey\u2019ve got to reframe it in their own mind first: that didn\u2019t work out, but you know what, the next one will,\u201d Adams says. \u201cLeave the grief behind and heal a bit along the way.\u201d <\/p>\n
At one point in both the corporate and creative worlds, there was a bit of a cycle of abuse. While employees would leave a toxic boss behind physically, they would carry them with them mentally, inflicting the same bizarre treatment onto their underlings because \u201cit\u2019s what I went through when I started out\u201d. Thankfully, Adams says this hazing is now old hat. <\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t often find that people learn it and take it with them any more,\u201d she says. \u201cI think they did in the Seventies, Eighties and Nineties when there was leadership based on power and control. But it\u2019s much less visible now. It\u2019s much more about collaboration and emotional intelligence.\u201d <\/p>\n
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Brian Cox as Logan Roy in \u2018Succession\u2019 (HBO)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\nUltimately, it doesn\u2019t matter how talented or respected someone is; you don\u2019t want to work under them if they can\u2019t be a kind, considerate human being. That is, fundamentally, the bare minimum in the workplace. <\/p>\n
\u201cBeing a manager is a massive responsibility and a lot of people don\u2019t get formal training, but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s an excuse,\u201d says Salton. \u201cNo matter how intelligent, successful, or brilliantly talented someone is, being an effective manager \u2013 and a reasonable person \u2013 is just as important.\u201d <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging. At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story. The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it. Your support makes all the difference. Read more In one of my first jobs in journalism, a senior editor made me serve legal papers to a rival publication. When I queried to a colleague whether this fell into the realms of my responsibilities, the reply was eye-widening: \u201cAt least he didn\u2019t ask you to take a birthday present to his mistress like the last reporter.\u201d Months later, the same man threw a stack of newspapers at my co-worker\u2019s head after she dared to ask a question. Most people have a tale of a horrible boss \u2013 some worse than others. If they\u2019re a true monster, the answer is (usually) simple: leave. But most megalomaniacs have more nuance than that; glimmers of brilliance, inspiring creativity, industry clout, or innovative ideas that can collectively make working under them \u2013 as Emily explains to Andy of her role as Miranda Priestly\u2019s receptionist in The Devil Wears Prada \u2013 a job that \u201ca million girls would kill for\u201d, despite the trials and torment. Fiction is packed with these toxic but talented leaders: Jon Hamm\u2019s Don Draper is dubbed an advertising geni…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14317,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14316"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14316"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14316\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/14317"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}