(Getty Images)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\u201cYou’re the guide for your child. You want to give them a framework and blueprint to follow, while also understanding they might veer off that course sometimes,\u201d she says. \u201cYou have to notice to yourself, \u2018When am I jumping in? And maybe that jumping in is unhelpful to me. So, when is it actually helping my child grow, develop, and learn from their mistakes?\u201d <\/p>\n
An actual lighthouse is a warning sign for ships at sea. Therefore, you\u2019re the guide that\u2019s keeping your children from crashing into the rocks \u2014 both literally and figuratively \u2014 that lie ahead. You\u2019re aiming to be a steady source for your children, so they continue to trust and confide in you when they have a problem. <\/p>\n
So, are you a lighthouse parent? <\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
Your approach to the style may depend on how old your child is and what situation they\u2019re in. Clinical psychologist Dr. Erica Rozmid explains that a lighthouse parent would have a specific plan, to say, for letting their 17-year-old drive the family car. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou would give them ground rules, like \u2018You\u2019re allowed to drive to and from school and you\u2019re allowed to drive to your friend\u2019s houses,\u2019\u201d Rozmid says. \u201cHowever, a helicopter parent would do the opposite, like checking in every 10 minutes or checking the car\u2019s mileage when their kids get home.\u201d <\/p>\n
When you\u2019re a lighthouse parent for any child, how and what you say means everything. For example, if your child tells you they\u2019re having an issue with friends at school, take their problem-solving skills into account first.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do they figure that conflict out? Lighthouse parents are going to open up the conversation with \u2018Wow, that sounds really difficult, that you\u2019re navigating that. What are you planning on doing?\u2019\u201d Broems explains. \u201cYou\u2019re validating their concerns, having a conversation. You want to hear them out, as opposed to jumping in and solving all their problems.\u201d <\/p>\n
Why does it work?<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
Rozmid notes that if parents trust their children to face those challenges on their own, kids have more trust in themselves and the adults around them. However, children still know that their parents will step in when needed. <\/p>\n
\u201cThis creates a really secure attachment where there\u2019s this mutual relationship of: the parent is the one who is in charge, but also looks to their children to be the expert on themselves and their body to know what their limits are,\u201d Rozmid says. <\/p>\n
Who doesn\u2019t it work for?<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
Lighthouse parenting isn\u2019t for everyone. Broems notes that she wouldn\u2019t recommend this approach for children with significant behavioral issues or special needs. With a child who\u2019s on the autism spectrum and is nonverbal, you may have to be involved in multiple aspects of their lives \u2014 taking on a bit of the helicopter parenting style. <\/p>\n
You also don\u2019t always think lighthouse parenting tactics from the get-go. If you see that your child\u2019s health or safety is at risk, of course, you\u2019re going to immediately step in to help and protect them. <\/p>\n
With any style of parenting, including lighthouse, you\u2019re constantly adjusting your behaviors and reactions to figure out what works best for your child. \u201cParents have to be flexible,\u201d Broems adds. \u201cEvery stage of your child\u2019s life is different, and they\u2019re going to throw you for a loop at any given point. So being able to go with the flow and do that is really helpful for you as a parent.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it’s investigating the financials of Elon Musk’s pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, ‘The A Word’, which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging. At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story. The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it. Your support makes all the difference. Read more Choosing your parenting style can seem overwhelming: helicopter, free-range, Tiger Mom, lazy, F— Around and Find Out, attachment — and even just bad. But there\u2019s one that strikes to find a balance between being too present and not present enough for your kids: lighthouse parenting. Dr. Ken Ginsburg first introduced the lighthouse parenting strategy in his 2015 book Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust, exploring how adults can give children the unconditional love they need, while holding them to high expectations. In the age-old dilemma about how to set boundaries for kids of any age, lighthouse parenting helps adults protect their children, while giving them the freedom to learn from life experiences. Speaking to The Independent, certified school psychologist Dr. Tori Broems notes that in lighthouse parenting, you\u2019re setting realistic expectations for your children. If you can provide steady guidance without too much judgment, you might be a lighthouse parent…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5037,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5036"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5036"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5036\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5037"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seekyourlove.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}